Holding pattern

Obviously I have not written a blog for a very long time. Since the crash of my laptop, my cyber world has become minimal. In a way it has been a good thing and in many other ways it has been a huge pain in my side. School feels so distant to me right now. I am still taking classes, two on the Internet. I feel so defeated at times and yet I know I must persevere. The community college here in Houston does not make going to school easy, like going to school isn't difficult enough. I am walking through a fog right now, trying to find my direction again. I am finally at the point where I was in Oregon, ready to apply to a nursing program, and yet I feel so differently about the entire situation than I did a year ago. I question myself; "Am I really cut out for this? What if I don't get in? Can I do what is required of me?" I know how hard I can work and I know how strong I am, yet this past 18 months has knocked some serious wind out of my sails. This blog is about the whole story of going back to school, the good, the bad, and the ugly, so I guess today's blog is the ugly. How can one concentrate on school when you aren't even sure how you are going to feed your family? However, I realize deep within my core, that this is my calling, not school, but becoming a nurse. I knew it was going to be difficult, I knew it would take sacrifice, I knew I would have disappointment. It will all be worth it in the end, right? So for now I will keep drudging along the path, maybe my next blog will be my acceptance into nursing school! Maybe not....until then. Love!

Sorry I have not written for a while. I ended up with the flu and have felt terrible. Not entirely sure what kind of flu it is but that does not really matter now, I am on the mend. I am just hoping that my professor lets me make up my test that I missed today. I have never missed class and I have an A in there, but you never know. Sometimes these professors have God complexes, no it's true they do. This one is new and definitely needs his ego stroked regularly!!! What bothers me is all of the posters around campus, along with the news media, reminding you to stay home if you have a fever, and then when you do, it is not EXCUSED!!! A professor can cancel class, which I pay for thank you, without any notice. However, if you are ill, you better come to class because it will not be excused. How is this protecting the spread of viruses???? I have pregnant women in my classes, should I not consider them? Along with this philosophy, is parents sending their children to school, medicated to mask their symptoms, sick!!! Obviously people are not taking this flu thing seriously. Well, I guess many have received the shot and don't feel the need to take precautions anymore. I don't know. I guess I just get irritated with that. I understand it is difficult to call in due to a sick child. Not everyone is a stay home parent, or has a back up plan when their kids get sick. However, that does not condone the action!!! We parents have mostly the same issues!!! My main point in this is STAY HOME WHEN YOU ARE SICK!!!! I am mainly concerned with my class and the test that I missed. The other professors e-mailed me wishing me wellness. This one on the other hand has said nothing. So where do I stand?? I will let you know.

Speaking of germs!!! I got the results back from my streak plate tests and let me tell you GROSS!!!! If you think that the toilet seat is gross in a public bathroom, I am here to tell you that it is one of the cleaner things we tested!! Our shoes are filthy!! How many times do you wash your shoes?? Not very often huh?? I will not go into the detail of what diseases are on the bottom of your shoes but think about ALL of the places we walk everyday, day in and day out!!! We don't wear our shoes in our house and let me tell you, now that I am privy to seeing what is growing on my shoes I wouldn't wear my shoes in the house if I previously had!!! I had seriously contemplated burning them but promptly realized that every one's shoes, not just my nasty one's, were victim to these micro-organisms!!!

I was also privileged to participate in a grant from the USDA to do gene sequencing on the chick pea! I will forever be a part of the chick pea genome project for the USDA!!! The chick pea is highly nutritionally dense, so the USDA is conducting a research project, which I participated in, to see how quickly we can grow chick peas. It is thought that the chick pea would serve as a better source of nutrition for poor countries than rice due to its dense nutritional value. I was so excited about this. President Obama's Head USDA advisor came and spoke to our class. My professor was supposed to email me the pictures but he has not done that yet. When he does I will post them. So, I got to use two $10,000 micro-pipettes, and remove the genes from the chick pea and place them into a machine for sequencing. It was much more complicated than that and took about an hour but it is too boring to write about each step. I have such a passion for places who have such poor and underdeveloped countries that I could not help but be excited about this project!! They are also researching how to put the polio vaccine into bananas that would express itself once the banana ripened!! The polio vaccine needs to be refrigerated, which is difficult in remote areas in Africa, so this would help save millions of vaccines. What is one of the first foods babies eat!!! Ah HA!!! Bananas!!! I just love this stuff!!

Love each other, be kind, and remember this is the only shot we have, so live it up!!!!

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Everyone!!! Yes, this is a bittersweet day for me but I am choosing happiness, fun, and life through my children today! School was great this week. I never thought that studying bacteria would be fun or interesting but LOVE it!!! I swabbed my shoes, cell phone, a soda can in the trash, the door entering the public restroom, a purse, a computer keyboard, and several other things. I also inoculated E.coli into an agar to test for motility!! Don't I sound so smart?? I will let you know the results next week as they are incubating right now.

I have to take US history as part of my degree and needless to say I was NOT happy about this! When I transferred here from Oregon, I found out that there were many different courses that I had to take to receive a degree from the state of Texas. Why do I need US history for a nursing degree??? Well, I have thoroughly enjoyed it! I took history in high school but NEVER cared one thing about it. It has given me great insight to the continuous elitist attitude that has been a part of history since the beginning of our country. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of this country and the many things that have been accomplished. BUT!!! I am not proud of the nearly complete annihilation of the Native Americans, the suffering of African Americans, mistreatment of immigrants and the poor, the struggle for gender equality, and the overall attitude of rich white men. Has this changed? Very Little! They say history repeats itself, but really it doesn't, it just changes genres. When one group either gives up or wins the battle, the course changes toward another group. We have made such great strides toward "All men are created equal," but we have so much more ground to cover before that statement is true. I am not going to voice much more on this topic. It is just food for thought. One of the first commandments God gives us is, "Though shall not judge." Since when did it become our job to become God's judicial interpreters? Sin is sin in the eyes of the Lord. Right? If I steal, lie, cheat, murder, and JUDGE I am sinning. God created all man equal.... we will all receive our judgment day, hopefully it is from the one who has the only right to cast that judgement.

I don't mean to preach, I am just so appalled at the outright audacity of people to justify their right to judge others. Walk a mile in someone's shoes and you still don't have a right to judge. Make informed decisions. Do the research before you decide about something. Most of the information we hear isn't the complete story. Love each other, this is the only time we get to do this. Happy Birthday Dad, Grandma, and Kena.

Genesis

Okay, so my sister in law has inspired me to start a blog. We shall see how this goes. I decided that I will share my journey of becoming a nurse, while married and a mother of two. It has been a dream of mine for so long now that I can't remember the exact moment I made the decision to become a nurse. I remember the exact moment I took action, and made the decision to go back to school. However, I should start just a tad before the big leap!

Halloween is a time of mixed feelings for me. My children dressing up, parties, the changing of the season, my father's birthday. Yes, he was born on Halloween, along with his mother, my grandmother. Odd huh? But I am a little saddened on Halloween, because my father died nearly 5 years ago, where has the time gone? His death has left a hole in my soul, but it was also the catalyst to my going back to school.

My father's death did not initially instigate an immediate action. It took another friends death a year and a half later to really ignite the fire. He was a dear friend and he is so deeply missed by many. I am not writing these things to make people sad, just as an insight as to how a good can come from tragedy.

I remember sitting in my daughter's bedroom floor crying and thinking to myself, "life is so crazy and short. It can end at any moment. There is no warning in most cases and I am tired of sitting here waiting for my life to happen."

The idea of going back to school had been toyed with in my mind for several years; it was time to stop playing!!! I went to the local community college and registered for school. There was no turning back now. I quit my job, and embarked on a new journey.

WOW!!! Going back to school was like tying to blow dust off of a bookshelf that has been sitting, lonely, for decades. It took such an effort for me to get back into the groove. My brother, who has been my biggest supporter and encouragement, told me I would get used to it, "School will become your new normal." And that it did!!

I made it through my first year, although it took tremendous effort, with a 4.0. I also worked at my daughter's preschool 30 hours a week. I was ready for the big time!! Oregon Institute of Technology. I was accepted and spent a summer full of hope and anticipation for the future.

Two days before school started my husband was laid off. HUGE BLOW!!!! I seriously questioned going back to school. My dearest friends, Heather and Wade, encouraged me to continue, so I did. This was a whole new level of difficulty for me. Not only was my class load difficult, Anatomy and Physiology, Chemistry, Human Genetics, clinical hours, and a PE class for that one credit I still needed, we were losing everything we had. We were in a small town, there was nothing for employment. We had to make some major life decisions.

I continued to go to school. We lost our heater in the onslaught of winter. Snow and ice and chopping wood daily to heat the house. My children were distraught. We were leaving the only life they could remember. We had built our life in Oregon. Our friends had become our family. I continued to go to school. My husband left the area to find a job. I was a single mother. I continued to go to school.

On the last day of my final exams, I went home and packed up my house. This was December 13th, the anniversary of my father's death. We decided to move back to Houston. If we were going to be poor, we wanted to be in the warmth and have the moral support of family. We left Oregon on December 21st and arrived in Houston with two kids, a dog, a cat, two cars, and a VERY LARGE moving truck on Christmas day. I will never forget that Christmas eve, driving through the middle of Texas, oil d.......,sorry, can't remember what they are called, moving up and down in rhythmic time,children sleeping in the back seat, staring at the back of the U-Haul truck for miles upon miles, and listening to "It's a Wonderful Life" on the radio. Isn't that irony????

Thanks to an angel, we had a place to stay for six months while we got back on our feet. I continued to go to school. I transferred to the local community college, and continued on my path to becoming a nurse. I finished my semester, took summer classes and was prepared to go to Prarie View A & M University. I had been accepted there. For those who do not know, this is a predominately African American university, that I am not!! No matter, I was working toward my goal. Two days before school started, yet again, I was told by the Nursing program that they would not accept me due to my grades from my first attempt at college, 15 years ago!!! I am a national Cum Laude student, I was confused. I have since solved the puzzle but will let you figure it out on your own. So, again I am back at the community college. Waiting to get into a nursing program.

Where there is a will, there is a way!!!! My desire is not to make large sums of money, although admittedly it is a nice bonus. I want to me a trauma nurse, maybe even a helicopter nurse. I have a passion for those who cannot receive health care. I want to go to Africa, India, El Salvador, etc... with Doctors Without Borders to help people who do not have access to health care. I am passionate for people here in our own country who do not have access to health care. I am following my heart, and am still holding on to my hopes and dreams that they will come true. I apologize for the length of my first blog but it was the genesis. They won't be so long in the future. Thanks for reading! Take care of each other, let the little things go. There are far worse things in the world to get upset about. Love!!!! <3